I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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