At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
honey bunches of taint.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
