The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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