Whod you bang
look no pants
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am naked and annoyed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
