im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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