There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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