i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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