There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
