Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
