he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
