nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
