He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
