I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
