she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
