get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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