One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
