well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
