Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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