I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
