so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
