Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize