Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
