I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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