the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sober January is a disaster.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
