it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
