Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
