Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
