remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
