i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
