Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
