I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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