toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
