Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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