No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize