I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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