I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
