i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
