So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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