how can u be prego again
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize