its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
