So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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