I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
