i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
