I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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