If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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