She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
