i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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