It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
