why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
