If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
