you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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