census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Welp...herpes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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