i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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