Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
