her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
