How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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