you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
