I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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