i just wanna soil my oats bro
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
