he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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