Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
