ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
