All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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