My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
