Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
sex in a hospital.. check
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
