rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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