It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
