i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
