last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
