it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
