Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
