mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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