Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
