It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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