I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize