people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
did i just pee glitter
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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